Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
