Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
