Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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