she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
