this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
