i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
