i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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