Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
