Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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