i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my phone needs a breathalizer
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YAS. BRING CRAB.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
