im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
