corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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