just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
