there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
