when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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