I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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