ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
