If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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