How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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