and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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