Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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