he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
