Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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