NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
