May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
