Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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