Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize