Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
