People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
