I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
