She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My balls are so social today.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
