i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
