those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
