Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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