Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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