pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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