Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
