I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
