oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Someone signed my nipple.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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