okay pat passed out under dana's car
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
