i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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