Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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