Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
that may or may not have been my penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
