Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
