After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
