we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
