"it" just moved
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
