How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
