you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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