oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
