he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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