I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
