I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
