go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
