i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
