you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You ruined the universe
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
