I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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