are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's never too late to be topless.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
