ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
