I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
