Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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