I think I am morally bankrupt
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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