Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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