Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
