I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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