Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
