I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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