Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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