i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
