If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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