No stitches, just platelets and will power
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
