I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
