hotel room ftw
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize