today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
