I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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