i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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