hotel room ftw
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize