Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
