just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
