Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
