I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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