I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
