i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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