I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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